Samoa PM Tuilaepa Admits To Having His Head Struck Up His Ass

In what was a long held belief by some and suspicion by many became a full fledged truth after Samoa Prime Minister Sailele Tuilaepa admitted in a press conference yesterday that his head was stuck up his ass.

"Yes I can tell you my beloved people that my head has been up there for a very long time."

The admittance came a day later after the press conference with New Zealand Foreign Minister Murray McCully in which Tuilaepa requested the Australasian governments to increase the sanction on Fiji by atleast 10 times.But what really got everyone talking was after Tuilaepa,justified his call for sanctions by telling the press conference that the ordinary people would not suffer because they actually only fish and grow their own food and are basically living in a subsistence society.

Widely accepted as the Pacifics jester for his rather colourful words and expressions, it was his this lack of knowledge about the people in Fiji which shocked everyone.   

The revelation also finally confirmed what the conspiracy theorists had been claiming all along.
"First he wanted to change the road driving rules from the widely accepted left lane to the unpopular right lane. We understood that he was trying to be different from other Pacifc leaders in anyway that he could possibly think of. But with this fishing and growing own food theory about the Fiji people, he just eliminated whatever doubts we had about him," a conspiracy theorist named Abel Kamoe revealed.after Tuilaepa's press conference.

However Tuilaepas admittance increased the suspicion among other conspiracy theorists who have claimed that Tuilaepas head was in actually fact deep inside New Zealand Foreign Minister Murray McCully's ass.

"Why would he accept it so quickly and unconditionally. We think his ass is just being used as a decoy to divert our notion away from the real ass where his head is," an unnamed conspiracy theorist belonging to the group, Where Is Tuilaepas Head Really Buried. 

In other news, the recent deep sea earthquake near Lau Group has been revealed to be the work of Fiji Government as a retaliatory measure for Ratu Tevita Uluilakeba's actions

Actual Photo of the Meeting Between Tuilaepa, Roko Ului and Baledrokadroka

Note: When we talk of our beloved Fiji, one thing we aim to do is ensure that its sovereignty is intact no matter what would be the reward for anything otherwise.

Click for larger image

Samoan Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sailele Would Even Meet a Dog

Samoan Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sailele Malielelagaoi has publicly acknowledged that he would happily sit and have tea with a dog as long as it belonged to Fiji Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama and had left him.

Responding to questions at home on why he chose to meet fugitive and coup plotter, Ratu Tevita Mara, Tuilaepa had this to say, "anyone who ditches Bainimarama is my guest even if its a dog. Its not like its a matter of principle and belief in democratic principles. Frank and i have this thingy going on between us. He knows it and i know it."

Tuilaepa's answer didn't come in as a surprise considering the ongoing spat between him and Frank Bainimarama since 2006 after Frank ditched him at the altar. Tuilaepa has since then taken every possible opportunity to take aim at Frank with his tirades and has since then remained unmarried and without a partner.

Understandably so, the Samoan taxpayers were sympathetic towards Tuilaepa after he flew to Australia to meet Ratu Tevita Mara. According to one Samoan resident who chose to remain anonymous, "the guy is heartbroken. Its difficult to let go especially if you are left standing red faced in front of so many people when your groom doesn't turn up. If this trip to Australia soothes him down and makes him govern this country better we are all for it.

Elsewhere, New Zealand based journalist, Michael Field was overwhelmed with congratulatory messages after publishing his first accurate piece of journalistic article titled, 'Mara and Baledrokadroka plotting a coup': Opinion piece by Michael Field