At a private dinner function held on New Years eve for his interim cabinet and very few staunch supporters, the interim Prime Minister Commodore Frank Bainimarama spoke at length of his resolutions for 2008.
“Ladies and gentlemen I intend to thank the almighty everyday and become a better Christian. I have already begun that by indicating that I will reduce my cabinet size to 13. I need not explain myself on the significance of the number 13 to any Christian, full stop.
And yes I will also stop saying full stop at the end of every sentence.
“I also promise to make more independent decisions instead of relying on my Finance Minister and Permanent secretary for that.
“I will also make a statement on why we really carried out the coup and how will we be resolving this awful mess that we have created. Infact I will go to the extent of publishing all the minutes of the meeting that we held in regards to the coup in our Bumper Edition of the Government Gazette. Actually I will go a step further and reveal the exact conversation that was held in the F.H.L boardroom. 100%. I promise!
“Buy a bigger bin for my office since I will need it to throw all the correspondence from Laisenia Qarase. I have gathered through my intelligence officers the number of letters from him will be at an unprecedented level. No actually I might place an advertisement in the newspaper asking Qarase to make his correspondence through emails. They have these Junk mail options so it will save my time and the money to buy a bigger bin. And yes I will also top flip-flopping.
“Continue blaming Qarase for all the troubles in Fiji. That also includes natural disasters. Can I also add Solomon Islands?
“Send a friendship wrist band to Helen Clark on 1st of April. Incase she happens to return it, I can call her and say 'April Fool' to save the embarrassment. That will be a win-win situation. But more importantly if it works I will get to travel to New Zealand.
“Instigate Emergency Law after 10 anti-government public comments instead of the current figure of 5. I will also increase Qarase’s quota to 5 from the current figure of 4. I am not all that bad and this shows how much I believe in Freedom of Expression.
“As a show of goodwill to the European Union I will let only Santa Claus who I understand is a European himself, to announce the dates for the next general election. Let me emphasis the word ‘only’. This is to show the International community that we recognize the value of their aid.
“Complete reading my copy of ‘Running a Government for Dummies’. Oops! Sorry that was from my personal list.
“Well ladies and gentlemen I guess that’s about it for this year. I will cover poverty, unemployment, strikes and pay cuts in next New Years resolution.
Meanwhile other interim cabinet ministers approached for their New Years resolutions included the interim attorney general, who said that he would start using the legal research team in the AGs office to prevent another episode of wrongful appointment and embarrassment for the President or anyone else. Sorry I did not know we had such a section.
While another interim minister who did not wished to be name said that he has stopped making resolutions because he just does not have the will power to keep the resolutions, Poseci Bune had a more sober resolution and mentioned that he would stop saying ‘maybe’ and pay cut’ in the same sentence prior to any festive holiday. “I just didn’t realize how depressed I was going to make the families when I said whatever I said.”
The interim Finance Minister was in a heartier mood and said that in 2008 his first resolution would be to extend the amnesty period for all income tax payments.
Elsewhere, Laisenia Qarase has said that his resolution includes, trimming his moustache, losing weight and somehow get Mahendra Chaudary out of his thoughts.
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