Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
- Death in your family (Avoid using your mother-in-laws death at all cost as an excuse for mourning – even if its true – they will easily know you are lying) ,
- Being shipwrecked on some uninhabited island after a fishing trip and that it may take you upto 7 days before you are rescued,
- You are admitted in the hospital. If you are not, then arrange for it and then make an escape from the hospital. Step 5 would explain why this escape is necessary.
- Government Ministers
- Senior military brass
- The Prime Minister
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
According to a spokesperson in the Prime Ministers Office, the government has had enough of all the complains directed towards it and as such the new decree to be introduced and imposed soon would address this serious issue on all levels and turn Fiji into a complain free society.
“We received complains against extensive prank calls and when we introduced a decree to curb these prank calls the complains started being directed towards the decree. And then we received complains against inefficient government services and when we introduced this proposal for a national identity card, we got complains against it. And the list goes on. Frankly speaking we are tired of all the complains,” the spokesperson told the journalists at a press briefing this evening.
“Basically this decree is in line with all the other decrees that the government has introduced to curb anything that it does not like. Complaining is evil and this government will ensure that nothing evil prevails in the Fijian society. Period,” the spokesperson added.
At the conclusion of the press briefing, the spokesperson in response to a question from a reporter said that there would be consultation process before the introduction of the decree similar to the Media Decree consultation process.
Meanwhile according to Professor Richard Roch, a world authority on complains and marital discords, the introduction of this decree by the government may in actual fact be against spouses of the government officials and ministers who have recently gone on a traveling spree around the world.
“The last thing they need is complains from their spouses after incurring a barrage of it from overseas governments, NGOs’ and bloggers," Professor Roch explained.
In other news, the Land Transport Authority of Fiji has stated that those caught speeding, talking on phone while driving and DUI would be issued with fines and an ‘Asshole’ badge.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
- FSC is the sole reason for other companies existence. There are over half a dozen scrap metal companies in the West and are operating quite successfully. How? FSC workers sell the scrap metal to these companies. The workers have realized that FSC does not have any department to deal with scraps so they have taken their own initiative to do this. Now its another matter that FSC did not consider these scraps as scraps.
- FSC is one of the most non-discriminate companies in Fiji or probably in the entire world. The right to stop the entire operation at any given time is a fundamental right of any worker at FSC. Even a casual labourer, who understandably so very tired from the previous night, can throw a piece of metal to choke the crusher and bring the entire operation to a halt. Nah he doesn’t need any approval from the General Manager or the Chief Engineer. It’s entirely his prerogative or anyone’s should the need arise at the appropriate time.
- Teamwork is one of the key factors that are recognised at FSC. No other company has given more rise to teamwork than FSC for example if a worker thinks that the new copper wire coil is a good sell, then there is no stopping. Right from the security guard to the supervisor forms a team of loyalty and bonding to get that copper coil out and in record time. The presence of this unique essence of teamwork and team spirit would put anyone to shame.
- Complete Job Satisfaction. Every worker in FSC is completely satisfied with their job and happy with their output. Example the statement by outgoing FSC C.E.O, Raj Saran, that he was satisfied by his contribution. Oh did I mention that this is after FSC made an all-time record loss of $175Million under his leadership.
- Magicians. Contrary to popular myth that Fiji does not have any magicians, FSC has been solely responsible for the creation and establishment of some of the best magicians in this country. Despite FSC’S attempt to make us believe that these magicians don’t exist, we have heard stories of their great feat and even verified it. One of it goes like this; One fine sunny day a 80 metres high voltage electric cable which is LIVE carrying 55KV of electricity (our home has 0.24KV or 240v) just disappeared. Only thing remaining were the two ends still connected to its respective ends. Revert to 1. To find out why.
- Environment. IF for nothing else, FSC has taught the effects of pollution i.e. to the marine life directly. If you observe the area around Lautoka Wharf where the waste water from FSC is dumped into the sea, there is absolutely no fish (Wait for 7.) From the studies conducted the fish have set a marine life zone around this wharf. It’s against the fish protocol to go into this zone. And its thanks to FSC that the fish have been taught a valuable environment lesson and values of self initiative.
- Vigilance. Despite their position in the organisational hierarchy, every staff of FSC was taught to be extremely vigilant while on job. An uncle of a friend of mine used to park his car at his nephews home because every time it was parked in the FSC allocated car park, the petrol was siphoned off. However it’s not exclusive to petrol and most of the time is the magicians prerogative based on the need of the hour and what they want to disappear.
- FSC has made us think big. How many companies in Fiji would talk about $89Million loan and $175Million loss? But the best part about this is that these figures are mentioned so casually that we have come to believe that it’s just a tiny wimpy figure.
- ‘If there is a will then there is a way,’ a classic word of wisdom formed the motto of workers when the drinking of kava was banned on FSC premises. The workers decided to get someone to mix the kava outside the boundary fence and serve it from there.
- Finally it has taught us NOT to purchase machinery from India.