Commodore Asks Downer to Butt-Out

Detected Flying in Stealth Mode

The interim Prime Minister, Commodore Frank Bainimarama told Australian Foreign Minister to butt-out of Fiji's affairs after military multistatic radar detected Mr. Downers butt over Fiji.

Raising tensions between the two neighbors, the army commander in an infuriated tone took a swipe at Australia for breaching Fiji's sovereignty.

“It seems that this Downer guy was flying in stealth mode over Fiji and one of our multistatic radars picked up electromagnetic emission over Tavueni. The electromagnetic emission was radio communication being made by Downer,” the army commander explained in a press conference.

When questioned by reporters on how could he have confirmed if it was Alexander Downer; Commodore Bainimarama in a stern tone told reporters that the radio communication was actually conversation between Mr. Downer and Winston Peters and it was about him and some other things that he could not really decode.

The presence of Mr. Downer over the Fiji Islands was strongly denied by the Australian Foreign Ministry.

In a brief statement, the Australian Foreign Ministry stated that the claim by the Fijian Army Commander is ridiculous. It further stated that Mr. Downer is not equipped with stealth technology.

Meanwhile according to an insider and close confidante, Mr. Downer is equipped with stealth technology and was infact flying over the island of Tavueni.

“Yes I can confirm about the stealth stuff and his presence over Tavueni but let me state in no uncertain terms that the reason for Alex's presence was to get a glimpse of the Maravu Resort. There was no way he could have flown into Fiji so he had to use stealth mode. I am just surprised how was his butt detected,” the insider stated

However according to Professor Austin Clovis of the University of Tasmania who specializes in defense technologies, the basic reason Mr. Downers butt got detected was due to an increase in his RSC or Radar Cross Section.

“Speaking in layman's term, the size of Downer's butt increased since the stealth cover was first designed for him two years ago. This increase in size is not compatible with the smaller stealth suit designed initially and this led to emission of radio signals from his butt.

In other news, military intelligence officers have said that the former Prime Minister, Sitiveni Rabuka maybe onto something big after he was found to be watching the movie ‘Commando' three times a day.