ADS Will Be Used At 2014 Elections as Part of Electoral Reforms

Ensures New Type of Politicians.

In what would be a breakthrough move, The Fiji Electoral Reform Commission stated that a new system would be in place for the 2014 General Elections as part of electoral reforms to identify and eliminate assholes from contesting the elections.

The Asshole Detecting Software which is a part of the Cognitive Image/Video Search Engine developed in Yang’s Scientific Research Institute, L.L.C., U.S.A was recently acquired by the FERC which would achieve the directive by Prime Minister, Frank Bainimarama that Fiji needs new type of politicians.

According to an insider at FERC, an internal survey established that nearly all politicians in Fiji were assholes however there was no way of scientifically proving that.

“Now we have a scientific method of establishing not only if the politicians are assholes but even to which degree. As part of training the filter for our asshole database, we called in some politicians and some known civilian assholes. The degree of separation between the two groups was enormous with the politicians ‘tipping the scale’ so to speak,” the insider revealed.

Meanwhile, according to Professor Richard Mitchell, a world authority on assholes and based at the University of Utah, the use of ADS poses a risk to any politicians whether old or new.

“The best solution would be to recalibrate the scale as they did in Western Samoa where all politicians hit the north end of the scale,” Professor Mitchell added.

In other news, a new survey has indicated that poverty affects child education according to a report in the ‘Duh’ magazine.