Saturday, May 3, 2008

New Zealand Bans Parade

‘Safety of Helen Clark is Paramount'

The New Zealand government in a press release today revealed that they would not allow the Wellington Sevens parade to start from the parliament house, as has been the tradition.

The statement issued through its Sports Ministry and signed by the Sports Minister, Trevor Mallard read that the security detail of the PM was reviewed and as a counter measure would not allow the parade to start from the parliament house.

“The safety of our PM is paramount and we would not jeopardize it by hosting the Fijian Team made up of world class and very big players as we have ascertained that the lightening speed at which Fijian players move would not be handled by the New Zealand PM's security detail.” The statement further read that the security personnel have been specifically trained for speeding bullets but not the Fijians.”

However according to a source close to the Sports Minster, the plan to change the route of the parade was a proposal forwarded to the minister by the New Zealand coach, Gordon Teitjens who the source revealed told the minister that the New Zealand government can also play a part in helping their team beat Fiji.

Meanwhile Mr. Mallard in a press conference has also disclosed that he will not be attending any of Fiji's games. When asked by a reporter on the reasons, the panicky looking Sports Minster angrily shot back, “Which part of ‘Fijians being faster then speeding bullet' did you not understand.”

In a separate report published in the ‘How To Rip ‘Em Off Better' magazine, the local banks after making huge profits advised the customers that as part of their effort to reduce their profit margin and make banking services much cheaper, they will make ATM withdrawals free except during the weekends..

In other news, after Commodore Frank Bainimarama called Mahendra Chaudary Robin Hood, Lekh Ram Vayeshnoi called a press conference to state that he was Friar Tuck

No comments:

Post a Comment