Is Bainimarama Qarase's Creation

Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity and it was the avariciousness of it from the one entrusted to lead that has set the course of this country towards calamity. 

It was the 25^th of April, 2005 when Laisenia Qarase in one of his speeches said that the concept of racism was alien and abhorrent to him and that his government was working on building an inclusive society where the views and opinions of every community is taken into account. Just a month earlier, he had reacted rather sturdily to a U.S. State Department report critical of racial discrimination in Fiji, and of the racial divide between Fiji's two main political parties. He had rebuked the United States for interfering in Fiji's internal affairs.

A year later in the 2006 general elections, having secured 81% of the indigenous Fijian votes it was going to take a statesmanlike approach from him to build his envisioned inclusive society – gain support of Indo-Fijians who had just a mere 2% supporting him in the elections incidentally due to what they perceived as Laisenia Qarase being an epitome of racism.

Laisenia Qarase in reality had a totally different vision and on his part did not disappoint the Indo-Fijians instead cementing their perception about him by introducing 3 legislative bills, Land Tribunal Bill, Qoliqoli Bill and Reconciliation and Unity Bill – straight out of a xenophobe’s wish list. 

Unwittingly he was setting the stage for one of the greatest plays that would later unfold in Fiji. Laisenia Qarase was not a dictator in a democratic society. In actuality he abused the privileges afforded though a democratic system – a ‘foreign flower’ that was not suited to Fiji’s climate as he preferred to call it.

Qarase squeezed the democratic system like a ripe orange and extracted every drop of government and legislative apparatus available in his bid to introduce and enshrine his racist policies. He made complete use of independent justice system and its loopholes wherever it benefited him and his cronies – extra mural release of prominent people specifically associated with his government became a signature of his government.

Laisenia Qarase under an impression that he had learnt from the mistakes of his predecessors made each of his political moves just as a chess grandmaster would make. Alas, he just wasn’t one. He appeased the fundamentalists, the chiefs, the business community and every other entity he thought would have any bit of vested interest in carrying out a coup against his government. 

But most of all he appeased his own ego and in the process disappointed the only person and the institution that had been responsible for all of the previous coups. That gross error in judgment caused by his ego set this great island nation on the path of demise.

In simple words, Laisenia Qarase had the best chance of taking Fiji forward at an express speed towards a vibrant, economically developed country but he fucked up.

His 3 racist legislative bills became a pretext; a prologue to the epic 3-Act play that the military commander Commodore Frank Bainimarama had been waiting for. Bainimarama had become a jilted lover who after taking his partner to the heights of success was not only ditched but sodomized. The only problem was that this ditched lover had a gun. Actually he had and entire fully armed military force behind him.

 It is really important to tread on your relationship with such a lover with extreme caution especially if there is something much bigger than yourself at stake – in this case it was the country.

Bainimarama for all he had done for Qarase got a mutiny attack at his own barracks, a law suit from the family of dead CRW soldiers killed during the mutiny, a possible criminal investigation into the mystery surrounding the then President Ratu Sir Kamisese Mara’s surprise resignation, a surcharge on blowing the RFMF budget. 

In hindsight all that Bainimarama wanted was Qarase's undivided attention and became bitter along time when none of it came his way as Qarase failed to display sufficient appreciation and gratitude towards the man who placed him in power. 

It would have been naïve to remotely assume that Bainimarama was unaware of Qarase’s ideologies before he handed Qarase the reign of this country after the 2000 coup. Bainimarama did not care about Qarase and his ideologies or racist policies.

Bainimarama wanted his back scratched by Qarase forever. Its not that there wasn’t any appreciation by Qarase towards Bainimarama – there most certainly was, but the following general election and the support that Qarase received from the I-taukei was like a celestial message for him that Bainimarama can go to hell.

Embalmed in the mirage of popular support and backing, Laisenia Qarase ignored the dynamics and the culture of coups in Fiji. What he failed to grasp or perhaps ignored was one dreadful truth - it was always the military that had been responsible for all the coups. The welfare of this country or being the guardian or savior of this country was secondary to the military officers. Their loyalty was to their commander.

Laisenia Qarase guided by his ego took his relationship with that military’s commander to the tallest summit of acrimony from where the only thing that seems to be falling down is this country. 

And the passiveness of this country’s population is highlighted by a saying, ‘when choosing between two evils; I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.’

Next we will talk about Bainimarama’s 3-Act play.

Al-Qaeda Responds to Gaddafis Accusation

In a surprise twist to the revolution that has been sweeping through the Middle East, Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden have finally involved themselves alas through a written statement purportedly from Osama bin Laden himself.

Strangely, for the first time ever, the statement did not mention America, Europe or Beyonce, rather, aiming its argument directly to the core thorny issue – the most recent statement released by Libyan leader Muammer Gaddafi – accusing Osama bin Laden of serving coffee.

According to the statement, Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden himself had deliberately stayed themselves clear of any involvement in the uprising in Tunisia and Egypt.

“For years, my organisation and I have built a rapport based on fear and terror. We showed extreme restraint and discipline by not getting drawn into the conflict in Tunisia and Egypt despite our name being evoked on many occasions by both the countries leaders.” 

But finally Gaddafi has done the most humiliating thing – implying that I am a barista and destroying all norms of decency by his ‘coffee accusation’. This is atrocious and insane,” 

“I wonder what he is going to say next; that we are planning on a Starbucks or a McDonalds franchise or worse, selling coffee in 1 liter packs now. We are in the business of bombs and terrorists and coffee has absolutely no part in our daily life. Screw you Gaddafi!” the statement read.

The statement which was supposedly hand written ended abruptly with ink smudged where the last character was written making analysts fear the worst – Osama bin Laden is totally pissed off with Gaddafi.

Visionary Bainimamara Reveals Plan to Counter High Air Travel Costs

Click to enlarge.

One of the most hyped up press conferences of this season from the interim government of Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama came to a conclusion this evening at the Attorney Generals chamber with a ‘on your face’ response that is bound to send the critics of the interim government on a long hibernation.

The interim government facing severe criticisms from bloggers and public alike due to the international adventures of its globe trotting ministers on first class or business class seats announced an immediate moratorium on all government officials, ministers included from traveling on first or business class on commercial airlines. 

Instead, the interim government would purchase its own airplane in a similar tradition to the one used by United States President, Air Force One, the spokesperson announced. He further revealed that the new airplane to be bought would be a Boeing Business Jet in the BBJ2 series and would come at a cost of US $47 Million. 

“We also had the option of purchasing the high end model which would have cost us around US $300 Million. But ladies and gentleman the purpose of buying the jet was primarily to save our tax payers hard earned dollars which would have been otherwise diverted into paying for the government officials business or first class seats. So thanks to the dexterous solution from our Prime Minister who not only proposed that we buy the jet but more importantly buy the cheaper one. Now don’t jump to conclusions, the savings would come in the long term which again is a fine example of our dear leader’s great vision,” the spokesperson told the journalists and reporters with a tinge of satisfaction.

Before concluding the press conference, the spokesperson told the journalists and reporters that the interim government was forever mindful of its tax payers concern and would do its utmost best to cut down on its opulence wherever it could and the purchasing of the jet was a fine example of the new austerity measures being implemented. 

In other news, a report in the Like Bainimarama Gives a Fuck magazine stated that the Australian Parliamentary Secretary for Pacific Island Affairs Richard Marles had expressed concerns that Fiji was showing no sign of moving towards democracy.

Biggest Scam in Fiji

In what is possibly the first major scam of the second decade of this millennium, former politician Ben Padarath and Suva lawyer Renee Lal have been arrested on the charges of swindling both the balls of a Ghanaian business Freeman Firstnameunknown.

The news of the scam sent shivers throughout the country’s Mans with Balls community. 

The scam which had been going on for sometime now came to light after Freeman Firstnameunknown was arrested on charges of being without both his balls. His arrest was the result of a tip off from Ben Padarath. 

It was after his arrest when Freeman Firstnameunknown disclosed how Ben Padarath systematically talked him into giving away one of his balls initially in return for oil exploration license. Renee Lal was supposedly a facilitator.

He further revealed that Ms. Lal’s and Mr. Padarath’s lust for his balls didn’t end there. He told the arresting authorities that Mr. Padarath would call him now and then and demand for his second ball.

“Finally I had to part away with my second ball after Mr. Padarath called me up and said that it was for Prime Minister Voreqe Bainimarama,” a devastated Freeman Firstnameunknown was quoted as saying according to a source

The authorities who interviewed Freeman Firstnameunknown eventually arrested Ben Padarath and Renee Lal on charges of taking mans balls with trickery and for malicious intent.According to news reports, Ms. Lal was caught at the Nadi Airport while she was leaving the country for New Zealand – a safe haven for ball swindlers. 

In what may be somewhat of comforting news for the dejected Freeman Firstnameunknown, the arresting authorities have assured him that his balls would be returned to him once located. They have also asked him to pray that his balls have not been tampered with, by either Ms. Lal or Mr. Padarath.

In other news, former Prime Minister Sitiveni Rabuka has been placed under surveillance after it was discovered he bought the DVD for the movie Expendables.